This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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