I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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