I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Rumble strips road head = magical
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
