So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
