So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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