yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
