I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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