i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
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