no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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