It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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