Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
