i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize