Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
