And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
