happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
