I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
