just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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