He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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