she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
