Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
