I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
