I just threw up on my dentist
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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