I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
