im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
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