ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
