Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
