I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Randomize
