Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
