I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
