i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
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We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
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i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
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