You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
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We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
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