end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Randomize
