Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
