I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
