He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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