I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
