Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
