I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
