dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
