i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
do herpes really smell.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
