Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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