do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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