I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
