is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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