I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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