He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
