New invention idea: vibrating tampons
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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