dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
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I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
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Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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