I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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