Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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