If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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