Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
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