I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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