Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
