Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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