You smell like stripper and shame
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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