My nipple is on Facebook.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Randomize
