I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
