oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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