Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
