you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Houston, we have a squirter
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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