Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
