3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
