someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
