I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
