just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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