Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
