Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
