I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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