Life is so much better after having sex.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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