It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Randomize
