I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
