Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
