the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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