I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
