party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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