Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
How external is "for external use only"?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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