Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
