once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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