some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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