If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
