Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize