Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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