She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
